Are your boundaries weak, rigid or just right.
Take the quick quiz below. Place a check mark beside each behavior that fits for you. Then count the number of check marks in each category. The category with the most check marks will reflect your boundaries.
If you have weak boundaries you:
____ say yes when you mean no,
____avoid conflict, have guilt or feel worried after a conflict,
____make decisions based on the needs and preferences of others,
____do more than your share of the work,
____feel you know what is best for others,
____spend time trying to control others or fix their problems,
____driven by fear and guilt.
If you have rigid boundaries you:
____feel frustrated that others’ don’t see things as you do,
____criticize others for not going along with your plans,
____have difficulty acknowledging feelings in relationships or considering the feelings of others,
____use anger or intimidation to get others to do what you want,
____adopt a my way or the highway attitude.
If you have healthy boundaries you:
____rarely feel stressed out as you set limits to protect your time, energy and other resources,
____feel comfortable expressing true emotion,
____feel comfortable when others express emotions,
____allow other to be who they are without trying to change them,
____accept conflict as a part of intimacy in a relationship (you still may not like conflict but you don’t avoid it),
____respect the feelings, needs and preferences of others,
____able to be self directed and make decisions for yourself vs. always accommodating the preferences of others.
Thank you for taking this short quiz. I hope it has helped you to identify what type of boundaries you have.
Interested in the next boundaries class? Just email me and I will send you the upcoming schedule.
Margaret Ann Kellogg, LCSW